Ruben Glueck
I spent Pesach with Herchel and friends many of which weren't frum or even Jewish, but I took away this beautiful interpretation of the Haggadah:
Uncle Eli's Special-for-Kids, Most-Fun-Ever, Under-the-Table Passover Haggadah:
We were slaves to king Pharaoh, that terrible king,
Who made us do all kinds of difficult things,
Like building a pyramid of chocolate ice cream,
When the sun was so hot, that the Nile turned to steam,
And digging a ditch with a spade and soft cotton.
The Pharaoh was wicked and nasty and rotten!
He made us prepare him a big birthday cake
And buy fancy presents for pharaoh to take,
He kept us awake with a terrible noise,
But never allowed us to play with his toys.
It's a good think that God took us out of that place
And gave evil old Pharaoh a slap in the face.
Because if he hadn't, we'd be in trouble,
Still slaving away in the dust and the rubble,
Cleaning up the king's mess and still folding his clothes,
And arranging his torn socks in 84 rows,
and balancing eggs on the tips of our toes.
Yes even if we were as smart as my mother,
As wise as my best friend Dov's four-month-old brother,
If we'd read all the books in the public library
Or watched as much TV as old Auntie Mary -
We still should keep telling this wonderful story
Of how we got out in a huff and a hurry.
4 Brothers (Isn't there a little of each in all of us?)
To our Seder last year came a strange-looking man
With 4 kids: Smarty, Nasty and Simple, and Sam,
Now Smarty was smart - so clever and wise,
He could do the whole Seder while closing his eyes.
From beginning to end, from the end to the start,
He recited it over and over by heart.
In Hebrew and Hindi, in Snufic and Roman,
From the first Ha Lachma to the last Afikoman.
But Nasty refused to take part in the Seder.
He just sat there and smiled with his pet alligator
As he pulled people's hair and he poked people's eyes
And sprinkled their matzah with beetles and flies.
He certainly has quite a bad attitude.
If his fangs were less sharp, he might not be so rude.
If he'd be in Egypt complaining this way,
We'd have left him behind to keep slaving all day.
Away in the corner sits sweet sister Simple.
Whenever she smiles her face breaks out in dimples.
She only asks about simple facts
Like "What is a matzah?" and "Tell me how tall is a Gloogasaurus Zax?"
Sam doesn't even know what to say.
He just sits in his box 'til the end of the day,
'Til his dad packs him up and takes him away.
We close with a little plug to prove I'm really Jewish. Buy Eliezer's book!!!